If you have a reason to complain, you should absolutely do so – just call any of our complaints hotlines to be put through to the company that wronged you and sort the problem out as quickly as possible.
However, for some people, it isn’t enough to be resolving an issue. Some people don’t stop to consider what the issue even is that they’re supposed to be resolving; or to check whether it’s really a problem; or to check whether it’s really real at all.
Some people just won’t let reality stand in the way of a good complain – and no-one seems to be as good at it as Brits on holiday. Here’s a collection of the most ridiculous complaints ever compiled, by cruise companies, resorts, hotels, package holiday providers, and confused local people.
1. The Unlucky Balloonists
“There was not a single warning telling people not to go on the hot air balloons if they have a fear of heights.”
2. Local customs are just laziness and should be banned!
“I can’t believe how lazy local people are, closing the shops in “siesta” time. I needed to buy things over that time and couldn’t! Closing for a siesta should be banned.”
3. I HAVE BEEN DECEIVED! THESE 5 EURO RAY BANS ARE LIES!
“We bought several pairs of Ray-Ban sunglasses from a market stall on the street and they later turned out to be fakes. We paid 5 euros each for them and we want that money back.”
4. What do you mean, the water park isn’t all-inclusive?
“We arranged a trip to a nearby water park but we weren’t told anything about needing to bring our own towels and swimming gear.”
5. “Custard is about as spicy as I can stand.”
“In Goa (India) the food choice was disgraceful – nearly everywhere just sold variations on curry! I hate spicy food!”
6. What’s a cup of tea without a proper biscuit?
“It should be explained in the brochures and websites that none of the shops here sell proper biscuits like custard creams and digestives.”
7. “They’re everywhere. We’re surrounded by foreigners.”
“I can’t believe how many people here are Spanish. The hotel staff are all obviously Spanish, even the food is all Spanish style! Far too many foreigners here.”
8. The sand is a lie
“The sand was shown as yellow in the pictures online, but is sort of a yellowish-white colour in real life. It threw off a lot of our photos.”
9. More preferential treatment for the Americans
“The flight home was nine hours! The Americans made it back in three! Why do they get such preferential treatment?”
10. Terror From The Deep
“We weren’t told that the sea may have some fish in it. Our children were very spooked.”
11. A Perfectly Good Holiday, Destroyed by Breasts
“I can’t believe topless sunbathing hasn’t been banned. My holiday was ruined. My husband kept looking at other women’s shapely breasts.”
12. If your hotel staff put up a sign which takes you hostage, call the police at your earliest convenience.
A woman called the police because she believed the “do not disturb” sign provided on the handle of her hotel room door was a command to remain in the room. She believed she had been wrongfully imprisoned.
13. Don’t compare your manhood to a bull elephant’s
A sightseer at a top-end African game lodge with a fantastic view of a watering hole registered a complaint that his honeymoon had been completely ruined by a randy bull elephant, which made him feel “inadequate as a man”.
14. The Song of the Sea
“I understand that this is a cruise ship but it must be possible to do something about the noise of the sea. It is unbelievably loud.”
15. When you saw the word “Cruise” and assumed it meant “Tom Cruise”
“Your company is called “Celebrity Cruises.” There was not a single celebrity on board, despite the obviously misleading name. I would like a refund as I have been lied to.”
16. When the Arctic Circle turns out to be chilly
“The so-called “Summer Cruise” in Alaska was nowhere near as warm as I expected it to be.”
17. When there’s a lack of cataclysmic lava explosions on your holiday
“We were led to believe that the resort was next to a volcano, but when we got there we saw that it was just a regular mountain. There wasn’t even any lava or magma anywhere. It wasn’t even smoking.”
18. When the stealthy animals turn out to be hard to see
“I was on safari for bloody ages and didn’t see any decent animals like a lion or anything, just loads of impalas everywhere.”
19. There’s always the guy who claimed Disneyworld was “too touristy”
That’s all there is to this one. Some dude literally lambasted DisneyWorld for being too touristy.
20. Don’t compare your manhood to bull elephants, and certainly don’t compare your looks to the locals
“The women there were too good looking, I started feeling really ugly and down”
21. “How do these Germans read all this German nonsense?”
“All the street signs are in German! I can’t believe people manage to find their way around.”
22. The appearance is more important than the reality.
“The animals at the zoo all look so depressed and worn-down. It was so depressing that it made our children cry. Can’t they train the animals to look happy or something?”
23. Try not to let your critics get to you – even if the circumstances of that critique are extremely unlikely.
A man claimed he had been “rendered impotent with embarrassment” and unable to perform sexually after a hotel maid walked in on him, “giggled to herself at [his] small size” and walked out.
24. “The resort really should implement some sort of vetting process.”
“The beach was overrun with fat people, it was very unpleasant.”
25. “Seriously, the resort needs to vet out some of these unsightly people, they’re making us feel unwell.”
“It was impossible to enjoy our otherwise incredible view on your tours, as the tour guide was so ugly. It’s ridiculous that someone so ugly is sent to distract from such a gorgeous view.”
As you can see from this list, it’s possible for a holiday to go badly wrong. It’s possible for your holidays – where the most stressful thing you do includes drinking a martini in the sun or floating on a lilo in a swimming pool surrounded by ancient Roman ruins – into a deeply stressful experience.